Diary Entry: Is This Real Life?

Whew! 2020 has been a ride and a half hasn’t it?! I still find myself having to almost pinch myself sometimes, to check that this really happening and I’m not just having some sort of stress dream. For instance, last night – as I was commuting home – I suddenly had one of those grounding moments where you become hyper-aware of your surroundings as I looked around and saw every face covered by a mask.

“We’re literally shielding ourselves from a worldwide killer virus” I thought, “It’s like something out of a film”.

And it is. Books have been written and films have been made about exactly the sort of thing we are all going through at the moment, and I sometimes feel like it’s too big of a thing for me to even think about – it feels too huge for my brain to begin to digest.

Add to that a much needed revolution (BLM), a lockdown that served us some unseasonably sunny, blue-skied days, a reality TV star President who (allegedly) is refusing to concede and (allegedly) is refusing to leave The White House (allegedly, allegedly, allegedly – don’t sue me!) plus the early-lockdown introduction we had to the one and only Tiger King, and all in all you have a plot-line for a film that we would all say was too far-fetched to be true. Yet here we are.

I’ve been one of the lucky ones throughout this whole thing. To date none of my loved ones have caught Covid-19, mine and Ben’s jobs haven’t been affected at all (except he now works at home and mine is busier/more pressurised that it used to be), our relationship hasn’t had the slightest wobble or argument, and I’m living in a house I love. But not everyone has been as lucky and I’m really aware of the fact that I shouldn’t take any of this for granted.

So, aside from the global pandemic, what else has been going on while I’ve been gone?

Well, I abandoned this blog before deciding to redesign it and relaunch it (what do you think of the new look?!) I started a home focussed Instagram account (@ourcarthamhome) which is bringing me a lot of joy. I’ve had Zoom quiz nights and chats with friends, done an online Escape Room, had our garden re-landscaped, read a lot, watched even more TV, cooked new recipes, kick-started the process to hopefully getting my knee fixed (the last operation didn’t work), and generally spent a lot of time looking inwards to identify what I want in my life and what I can release as weighing me down needlessly. I’ve signed up to do an online Criminology course (hopefully starting that this week), settled on decor ideas for a couple of the rooms in our house, started an Instagram Book Club (@ourinstabookclub) and finally admitted to myself that I might need glasses as I’m pretty sure the world shouldn’t be this blurry.

I also realised that my life had become totally absorbed by my job, so I decided to kickstart this blog again to give me a hobby and a side-focus and to realign the work/life balance I’d found myself with. So here I am! It actually feels quite nice to be sat at my laptop, not thinking too much and just letting the words flow from my brain and through my fingers – I’d forgotten quite how therapeutic I find writing; it’s always been my escape and my way of processing, and I think if something makes you feel that good then it can’t be a bad thing.

So, I think I’ll leave it here for now, I’ve got the day off of work today (I had an MRI this morning and they played Adele’s album while I was in there so now I can’t stop singing *Hello from the other siiiiiiide*) and being home midweek has made me feel really weird, like I’m bunking off school or something! (Although I never did that because I was a total goody-two-shoes!)

Anyway, I hope you’re all doing ok and keeping safe and well – it’s a mad old world at the moment and I’m always here if anyone wants a natter, drop me a message any time.

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