Dear Diary… (17.09.2018)

Dear Diary… (17.09.2018)

I am in such a good mood! I had a brilliant weekend which seemed to last twice as long as usual and I’m feeling so ready for the beginning of another week – I haven’t actually set my goals for the next 7 days yet, but will definitely have to do that today.

 

There wasn’t really anything in particular that made this weekend feel so good; it would probably sound a bit boring if I recounted everything I got up to, but I ticked loads of bits off of my never-ending-always-growing To Do list and feel like I broke the back of a few tasks that had been glaring at me from the shadows for such a long time.

 

The bathroom is pretty much finished now, although I still need to finish painting the white gloss-work – I swear that’s got to be the worst part of decorating?! I don’t think it’s been refreshed for a while as it’s that fetching shade of off-white-yellow that gloss tends to go after a while, and after about 3 coats of new paint, it’s still not going anywhere. Everything else in the room is done though and it looks ace. I’m so pleased!

 

I also got round to doing little jobs that seem to always get pushed down the list too, like hanging pictures, washing all the curtains etc. We’re gradually working our way through the house, one room at a time, opening all the cupboards and drawers and getting rid of anything we don’t need/want/use. Next on the agenda is our bedroom – there’s still boxes under the bed from when Ben moved in with me that we haven’t looked at since (!) plus I want to go through my wardrobe and clear out all the clothes I don’t wear or won’t wear again. I keep too many things in the hope that once I’ve had my knee operation and can actually move faster than a slow crawl and can exercise again, I’ll drop back down to a size 8, but that isn’t guaranteed to happen and in the meantime I’ve decided it’s not healthy to have those smaller size clothes staring at me every time I open the wardrobe door – not to mention the amount of space they’re taking up. Plus, I figure that once I am fully back in working order I’ll be a few years older and won’t really be in need of my mini-dresses and bodycon outfits anymore! My clubbing days are most definitely behind me! I’ve spoken to my local women’s refuge who are always looking for clothing and toiletries to help their ladies (or clothing and toys for the children in their care) – if you want to do the same thing, you can find more details on the Women’s Aid website.

 

I have to say, it’s been quite nice to spend some time indoors as we are always so busy running here, there and everywhere. I am very much a homebody and genuinely love being in my own four walls; it brings me real happiness to be tucked up on my sofa, a cup of tea in hand with my little (most furry) family around me. It’s the simple things in life that mean the most.

 

Speaking of little things meaning the most, I am so bloomin’ happy recently. Not for any reason, not relating to any events or plans, but just because I am so happy to just BE. Like, the whole being lucky enough to be here, have a life and just… I don’t know… exist? I went in to this year promising myself that it would be the best year of my life and that I would spend the 12 months focussing on getting rid of all the toxic shit from my world. I’ve stepped back from those things that don’t serve me, I’ve found out who my real friends are, I’ve stopped expending energy into activities or people that did nothing but drain me, and I’ve come to find a sense of peace and love for myself and my world in general.

 

Don’t get me wrong; there are still days where I’ve sworn under my breath a dozen times before 10am, or when I find myself filled with rage at something I’ve seen or heard. But, I’ve come to realise that actually, my life is perfectly imperfect and I really truly do love it. I feel like I’m more myself than I have ever been and that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. I’ve stopped fretting constantly about what people think of me, I’ve stopped comparing myself to other people, I’ve stopped wondering if I’m ‘good enough’ – I’ve just reached this sort of calm, contented place where I’m surrounded by so much goodness that I can’t help but feel I’m really bloody lucky. Life hasn’t run smoothly by any stretch of the imagination but would I change anything that has happened? Definitely not; I believe everything happens for a reason. I don’t want to waste a single day feeling unhappy – life is so short and we are so lucky to be here; I want to enjoy every second I can.

 

I know some people don’t like it when others talk about their happiness and I really don’t want to come across as ‘braggy’ but, honestly, when 2017 was as miserable and stressful as it was, I don’t want to have to apologise for allowing myself to love and appreciate life. I don’t have it all – I don’t own my own home, I have a car that has lots of issues (still my favourite car I’ve ever had though!), I’m not in a particularly illuminating career, my blog isn’t popular, I don’t have any savings, I can’t afford to get married for at least 5-years, I’m in constant chronic pain 24/7, I likely can’t have children, I’m forever frightened of my Cancer coming back… There is so much I could mope about but I don’t want to because there is so much good in my world that it outweighs everything else – all of those other things pale into insignificance and somehow feel like they’re pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things, because light is more powerful than darkness and when you stand facing the sun, your shadows fall behind you.

 

And sure, I might be tempting fate, but I’m a big believer in putting out into the universe what you want to get back and enjoying every single second we have in our life.

 

Wow. That was a bit deep, eh? Let’s move on…

 

Last week I booked tickets to go on a ghost hunting tour at Shepton Mallet prison next year. I do believe in ‘ghosts’ (although I don’t think I like that terminology) as I’ve had a few things happen to me in the past that can’t be explained. There is still a part of me that likes to keep a foot in the sceptical side of the field though, as I haven’t actually seen a spirit with my own eyes, although I have seen and felt them at work. I’ve been ghost hunting before and that was pretty interesting, plus I have one booked towards the end of October too. The reason I booked the Shepton Mallet one so far in advance was because it’s somewhere I’ve always been fascinated with – it’s such an old prison and has such a rich history full of horror and scandal. It’s definitely the sort of building that makes me wish the walls could talk. I’ve been doing a bit of reading about the history of the prison itself but steering well clear of any tales of spiritual activity there as I don’t want to be influenced in any way; I want to go in there with a clear and open mind and see what happens. As we all know, when you’re tired (which I will be as the hunt is overnight) and when the light is poor (which it will be as there’s no electricity meaning we will only have torchlight), your brain can play tricks on you, so I don’t want to prep it with any potential knowledge in advance.

 

Coming up in the ‘blogging world’ in a couple of weeks is Blogtober, where people post something online every day of the month in October. It’s a sort of annual challenge that is set to encourage people to engage more, produce more content, and switch up their usual way of posting. I’ve been steering this blog over to the more personal side of things this year, turning down collaboration opportunities with brands unless they fit in with my life, and I’m wondering if Blogtober might be a good chance for me to push myself a little more and perhaps try and post something every day – a diary post type format, similar to this. Back in the day I used to blog daily, just writing about what I’d got up to, something I’d seen in the news, or sharing what I’d been thinking, and I feel like that’s where A Penny For Them is leaning more and more these days. It’s just a pondering at the moment and nothing is set in stone, but I am inclined to post more personal content these days anyway; it’s just where this blog has naturally found itself – returning to its roots and where it all began.

 

Anyway, that will have to be all for now; I really need to get to work.

 

Have a good week everyone!

 

 

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2 Comments

  1. September 19, 2018 / 11:06 am

    Another fab post. So glad that you are happy right now and that life is treating you well and I agree that sometimes you have to look at the positives and not let the negatives take over. We too are in the process of clearing our cupboards/drawers etc in a bid to rid ourselves of the ‘clutter’ that we just seem to accumulate. I am such a homebody too, I like nothing more than being at home and curled up on the sofa. Ghost hunt sounds fab, we have done a couple now and they were really, really good.

    • Penny
      Author
      September 25, 2018 / 10:30 am

      Ah thank you! I’m really enjoying getting back to basics and using my blog as it was at the very beginning – it’s so easy to lose sight of what you write for in this world where blogging and bloggers are so competitive, but I just want to write and get my thoughts out of my head! xx

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