In the gossip columns of the newspapers today there’s reports of an (alleged) argument between Kym Marsh (of Corrie and Hear’say) and Stephanie Waring (Hollyoaks).
(I’m saying ‘allegedly’ because I don’t know what’s been confirmed and I don’t want my arse sued)
Allegedly, a few months ago Stephanie confided in Kym that her relationship with her then-boyfriend Dan (and father of her child) was in trouble. Subsequently, they broke up and now Kym is dating him (allegedly allegedly allegedly).
Whilst I’m not about to get involved in an (alleged) public spat between two celebrities, what I’ve found interesting about this story is the comments I’ve seen online, as there seems to be a divide in opinions. One half say it’s an unwritten rule of womanhood that you don’t date your friend’s ex, while the other half say we live in a free country and if two people are single and like each other, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t be able to get together.
This got me thinking – what would I do?
Although there’s always going to be additional factors involved and nothing is ever ‘cut and dry’, I think I’m part of the first camp and would never be able to start dating a friend’s ex. HOWEVER, what if you throw the big scary L-word into the equation? What if you think you and your friend’s ex are made for each other and the thought of living a life without them breaks your heart?
I’m lucky in that I’ve never been in a position like that. I’ve never had to choose between a friend and someone I wanted to date, but I can imagine it must be a pretty hard decision to make; knowing you either hurt yourself or someone you care about.
When I met K there was no denying to myself that we were meant to be together and no matter how hard I tried to ignore it (for 8 months, despite his best efforts, purely through sheer terror of letting anyone close enough to hurt me again) it was unavoidable. If he’d been the ex of a friend, would I have been able to stay away from him? In all honesty, probably not.
But, there’s a difference between love and lust and as much as I may be a romantic, I don’t believe in love at first sight. I believe in a chemical reaction between two people that attracts you to one another, but until you really know somebody I don’t think you can love them. Or maybe that’s just my cold icy heart.
However, if I was sure it was LOVE and not LUST, and I knew that there was no way I could go through life happily without this man by my side, I think I would speak to my friend. I’d tell them how I felt. It would hurt them, sure, there’s no avoiding that, but I would hope that in time they would appreciate that I’d gone out of my way to speak to them about it first. The friendship may never be totally fixed, but time is a great healer and hindsight is a wonderful thing, so there’s a chance they may be able to be happy for me further down the line.
This is such a difficult subject – as affairs of the heart tend to be – and everyone I speak to seems really divided in their thoughts, so I’d love to know what you think…
Is there an unwritten rule of sisterhood that you don’t date your friend’s ex?
What would you do if you realised you had feelings for a previous partner of your friend?
Let me know!